Friday, September 6, 2013

Exorcising The Demons

"We feel that Bryan Bullington can be a good #3 pitcher for us."

I'm not sure what else Dave Littlefield said after that during his news conference announcing that with the 1st overall pick they picked Bryan Bullington.  It was hard to hear over the pulsing of blood through the throbbing veins in my forehead.

Randall Simon once playfully bopped a sausage on the head during the Miller Park Sausage Race.  The sausage went down like he got shot from a grassy knoll.  Simon got charged criminally with an assault charge.

Derek Bell infamously declared Operation Shutdown after the Pirates had the gall to make him compete for a job.  After batting .173/.237/.288 (576 OPS), of course.  He promptly retired and is living his days out on a houseboat, smoking crack, picking up skeezy girls.

Raul Mondesi lost his desire to play baseball after coming to the Pirates and retired.  For a whole 30 days until the Angels offered him a deal, of course.

John Russell was an animatronic robot.

Jim Tracy was a rambling egomaniac.

Lloyd McClendon famously stole a base in a fit after an argument with an umpire.

Jason Kendall, on track for a Hall of Fame career, blew out his ankle trying to beat a grounder out at 1st.  He rehabbed from that and had a thumb injury two years later that sapped all his power.  His 6 year/$60M contract became a millstone on the franchise.

Aramis Ramirez was traded in a pure salary dump to the Cubs in 2003 because the Pirates were exceeding their debt-to-revenue limit deemed by MLB.  That was after Kris Benson (the Tin Man) hurt his elbow and couldn't be traded instead.

Daniel Moskos with the 4th overall pick.

The historic collapse of 2012 after being 62-46, only to end up 79-83.

And yet, here in 2013, the Pirates are going to eliminate 20 seasons of awful memories.  They're on the precipice of not only a winning season (81-58 at the time of this writing), but looking like a team that could do some real damage in the playoffs.

Maybe PNC Park isn't built on Indian burial grounds after all.

1 comment:

  1. Way to go, Mr. Hanalei. You realize you've basically jinxed them to miss the playoffs now.

    Also...I'm pretty sure the sausage Simon bopped was a she(take that, Mr. Freud!).